You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
