So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
