grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
