it's not cheating when I paid for it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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