my vag is so smooth its legendary
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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