Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
