If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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