check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
