My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The beer is more important than you right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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