is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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