she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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