Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
operation have a gay friend backfired
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
