Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
