I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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