New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
