Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and she was petting her beer can
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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