Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
