Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize