Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
