Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
