Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
