No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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