I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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