Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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