No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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