best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
