I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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