You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
