I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
