The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
