I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
