Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
