lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
