remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
