How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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