I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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