Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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