Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
