Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
