I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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