where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
