We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
