i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
