your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
