someone get that fucking seahorse.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
