I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i now understand why vodka
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
