it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize