HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
