I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
