Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Small penises have feelings too.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
