Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
