im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
