if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
