I wannas sexs uuuuu
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
