maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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