yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
