ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
