Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
