It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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