I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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