Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm getting married
To pizza
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
