seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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