saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize