I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
