You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
