everyone is single if you try hard enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
