So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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