hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
