i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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