I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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