It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
