I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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