I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
