Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize