Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
