And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
