So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
