i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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