Already got asked if we're dating
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
