You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
