Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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