I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
