evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
