Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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