We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
