update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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